Fullback
Part of the reason that I loved rugby when I was growing up was the fact that I idolised people who my football loving chums had never heard of, and players who, with all due respect, in everyday life you would actually cross the street to avoid if you happened to be heading towards them. I would regularly inform all who would listen that certain players were far better than the international players at the time, based on one 80 minute viewing. Looking back now, I realise that this was because a wet day in Gloucester wasn’t top of the to do list for most members of the England team at the time.......So here it is, my ultimate international team of players that no-one rated or possibly a team that no one has ever even heard of.....I’ll take a lot of convincing that my childhood rugby eye was wrong:
Fullback – What do you need from a full back? Good boot, solid under the high ball, great running??... The England selectors looked purely for a good boot, and constantly chose Surgeon Webb or his clone Simon Hodgkinson from Nottingham. Both were damn good kickers of a rugby ball, but neither possessed the crucial ability to scare the bejesus out of anyone under the age of 12 just by running onto the pitch. All of the late 80’s early 90’s English fullbacks looked like they cared too much about the neatness of their hair. Do you really want to rely on a man without a single misplaced hair on his head? Does that give you the confidence that he is going to lay his body on the line for the cause? Of course not. What you need in a full back is a man who a good shoeing could possibly improve the look of. A man who looks like he has already played three games, and had three after match celebrations, before the game has kicked off. A man who you know will not be worrying about getting his shirt dirty as a towering Garryowen is heading his way, because he’s not happy unless he is covered in blood and mud.
So here it is, my first sweeping statement from my childhood, that I maintain to this day is true. England would have won the 1991 World Cup if Simon Langford was playing at fullback. Langford was an absolute rock who looked like he’d gone 12 rounds with Tyson, and then rang up Larry Holmes for a bit of an extra workout. Langford was unfailing defensively, with a seriously good boot, (he was the first player I saw successfully boot a penalty from inside his own half), but more crucially he would have scared the crap out of Campo and his chums just by looking at them.
I saw him play three or four times in a seriously decent Orrell team and I just loved the guy. At this time it was rare for me to be impressed by anyone who didn’t wear cherry and white (To show how true this was, I actually remember saying to my dad, whilst watching John Kirwan skin someone; “Yeah, but Derrick Morgan can do that too!”) but Langford just had something that appealed to me. I have always loved the underdog, and he just looked like he shouldn’t be anywhere near a rugby pitch, so when he nailed a booming three pointer early on in one game I was converted, and that was the beauty of the man. He looked like a guy who had come to watch the game and somehow ended up on the pitch, but he was a fine rugby player; Rock solid in defence, dangerous with the ball in hand and a truly gifted goal kicker.
Crucially though (and why England would have won the World Cup in 91 with him in the team) when Will Carling said “Do you know what lads, we’re going to run everything at them today.” Simon Langford would have stood up, slapped Carling in the face and said “Don’t be so bloody stupid man!” England would have kept the ball in the forwards and in the 79th minute, Langford would have slotted a 45 metre penalty to win the game. Could you ever see Webb or Hodgkinson doing that?? Thought not.
So there we have it fullback in my own personal dream team:
Simon Langford – Orrell (and disgracefully never England)
Any other opinions gladly welcomed!
